Swarley and Me

[Yeah, this is totally a rip off of Marley and Me, a book I didn’t necessarily like for the writing, but could identify with the dog-lovin’. ]

If doggy heaven was real, this is what it would look like:

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I suppose an alternate title could be, If cat hell was real, this is what it would look like.

One of my favorite spots in this place is this dog park.  I cannot tell you how surreal it feels to walk up and see legitimate rolling green hills.  I’m pretty sure blue skies and thick, white clouds are always there no matter the actual weather.

We named our dog Swarley after this episode of How I Met Your Mother.  He’s the very definition of #amazingandawesome.  I have this weird dog-mom obsession with him and I often wonder if I’ll ever love my future children with as much intensity?  Kid-moms out there are probably scoffing at me right now.  But you other dog-moms know you’ve felt this feeling before.

Dogs are awesome.  They’re always there for you.  Literally, they’re always there.  I can’t sit on the couch with Swarley parking his butt in my lap.  I can’t fall asleep at night without Swarley on his back, all 4 paws stretched straight up in the air in the middle of me and the husband.  I walk outside without the dog at my heels to follow me around.   And those of you that visit on a regular basis know how present he is at mealtimes.  I often trip over him or step on his paws or shut him in rooms because I don’t know he’s behind me.  Yesterday I thought he was upstairs with the husband so I shut the screen door only to hear barking and glass-scratching a few minutes later.  He had been outside with me the whole time and I never knew it.

It took the husband six months to warm up to him, but he’s so much a part of the family now that we hate spending holidays away from him.  Or taking trips without him.  Or going a mile down the street to the grocery story without him in the car.  We actually went to get a Redbox movie when it was 20 degrees outside.  We were going to be gone all of two minutes and a cop saw us get out of the car  and leave behind the dog and he told us it was illegal to leave a dog alone in a car during freezing temperatures and we could be arrested, so he suggested we leave and drop the dog off at home.

He once murdered a stuff squeaky toy.  We came home to find bits of it everywhere, but the squeaker was nowhere to be found.

I had a stuffed animal with these humongous plastic eyes.  One day one of the eyes was torn off, but I couldn’t find it.  Swarley pooped it out the next day.

He also once ate a smoking marijuana joint he found on the ground when we were in D.C.  He ate it.  I thought he was going to get the munchies, and he did act a little funny the rest of the day.  But again, that thing made its way out the next morning.

So yeah, I could write a book about this furry thing, but I won’t, because when you get down to it, only dog parents are really going to relate.  But if you ever come over to our house and you don’t fall in love with this dog, well, you’d be the first.


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