What a weird few weeks.
Family update: We’re doing okay. We’re taking it one day at a time, although this week has blown the last out of the water as far as emotions are going. Even though it’s all winding down, I changed practices, so now my doctors are awesome instead of stupid. We’ve also got such a wonderful community here that have surrounded us with love, food, and general hangout-time.
Growing a baby is sort of weird thing. I’ve only experienced a week of knowing about it, but God used every second of that week to show my deepest darkest desires. My heart was filled with passions that I didn’t even know about, and now I’m praying it through to try and make these blurry shapes a little more clear.
I also desperately want life to get back to normal. But the thing about losing a baby is–everything just seems a little trivial in comparison. I want to post my DIY insta-frames, but it’s a little too meaningless right now. I really want to read through my adoption books, but that’s a little too important right now. I’d really like to go on a run, but it’s way too cold, and buying cold-weather jogging clothes–the idea of shopping in general–is a little too pointless right now.
Any of you miscarriage mamas feel/felt the same?
This post probably comes off as a lot more emo/goth/depressive than what I’m actually feeling at the moment. Trust me, the mourning period is over, and now it’s just trying to get back into the rhythms of life over here. Right now I’m focusing on cleaning the house, making dinner, and getting through a workday filled with moody teens. That’s enough for now.
But I’m still praying through those God-filled passions.