I don’t know about you, but having a miscarriage has made me completely reevaluate my life. I’ve heard before about how there are these life defining moments, and moments that forever change the way you do things and think about things, and I think this is mine.
Losing a baby is such a powerful emotion, and it’s the first time I’ve lost someone so close to me–physically and emotionally. It’s also a loss of life plans, anticipation, and a growing family. It’s a weird sort of loss, a loss of something you didn’t have for very long (or maybe you did, depending on your situation) a loss of something that wasn’t really there–as in you could see it, talk to it, listen to it, touch it–but it’s a big loss nonetheless.
And because of this loss, I’m realizing how stupidly I spend most of my time, my energy, and my money. I’m realizing that I spend way too much time worrying about whether the socks are matched or the paint colors are right than I worry about if my neighbor loves Jesus. I spend too much time watching TV shows from start to finish than I do putting my house in order and striving to be a Godly wife. I spend a lot of energy on things that, deep down, I don’t care about. And God is showing me that He has big plans for me, and I would really like to start paying attention to Him.
Anyway, for February, I just have a few bold intentions.
Number One will be getting my house in order for future child. That’s right, this should (hopefully) be the month where our home study is approved. (Basically, after we’re approved, we get to know who our children are. So this is a big step.) The momster is coming up to help me play interior designer and switch up all the furniture so that future child will have a place to live that’s free of clutter.
Number Two is for both me and the husband. We’re implementing the three things rule after work hours. We’re trying to come up with three meaningful ways to spend our time after work, and then we only worry about getting those things done. I’m hoping this will lead to us spending the entire evening into the night doing intentional, meaningful stuff, but we’re going to start small and see how it works.
Number Three is for me to do more. January was a stupid month, and I didn’t do anything with my life besides go through tragedy after tragedy. And although losing a washer/dryer for most of the month isn’t quite on the same scale as losing a baby, there’s a lot that needs to get done around here. So I’m going to start doing less and start doing more. Meaning, less TV and more Bible. Less internet and more projects. I plan on sharing what this means in more detail as the month goes on.
I have high hopes for this month. February, do not disappoint.
And if you’re looking for something to with your day, hop on over to @caitlinmfrostscloset or the Facebook page. I’m selling a bunch of stuff in my house to get ready for future child and I’m donating 100% of the profit to Compassion International’s Child Survival Program. I figure, if I can’t help my baby survive, I can help someone else’s make it into the world.