I had a half day yesterday, and I think that because it was on a Tuesday it messed up my whole system. Because when I woke up today, it definitely wasn’t a Saturday. It wasn’t even a Friday. And it took me a while to get over it.
I’ve been having these crazy urges to just drop all responsibility and take the next train to Boston and spend the day there. Just to walk around the Commons, enjoy good food, maybe go to the movies. Just a day when I don’t do anything but whatever I want.
Sometimes I really hate adulthood. I’ve got a mountain of a to-do list that HAS to get done, but I don’t want to do it. I picked up a long term sub job so now I can’t not go to work because subs don’t have subs, so every morning I drive the half mile to the school and stay there and read the same chapters aloud to 4 classes. I come home on Mondays to do the Monday thing, Tuesdays for the Tuesday thing, Thursdays for the Thursday thing, and so on and so forth.
I miss the days of spontaneity. I miss the days where being an adult was all about choosing to be responsible or choosing to forsake responsibility to go on an adventure. I miss the days where adventures weren’t planned or scheduled out months in advance but happened irregularly, and spontaneously.
There are definitely total upsides to this new routine filled scheduled type of life. I love the one I’ve committed to and I love the commitments we share. I love knowing what my days are going to be like. I love finally having stability and constancy. But that adventure part has been lacking.
I’m trying to enjoy this last bit of stability before future children come. I’m hoping to soak it all up because pretty soon my days won’t ever have a true beginning or true end. And I know I’ll wholeheartedly embrace that change when it comes. But what I wouldn’t give for some randomness right now.
So instead I’ll turn on the TV instead of the radio while I clean. Throw a red sock in with the whites. Change the gray comforter out for the blue one. Take a long drive across the street to get a doughnut for an after dinner dessert. And really life my stable monotonous life as much on the edge as possible right now.