Good thing I’m not a real blogger, because I think meeting my children and not immediately blogging about it would be quite the #blogfail.
But, hey, good news! I met my children.
I haven’t blogged about it because I don’t quite know how to put the whole experience into words. I think you (adoptive) mamas would understand. There’s just something so surreal about meeting your children for the first time that makes your emotions and your feelings intermingle with all your senses so you don’t know how to compartmentalize and separate the two so that you can actually tell people about the experience. There’s too much to say. There’s nowhere and everywhere to begin.
There’s this phrase in the English language–that I cannot for the life of me remember–whose definition says that there are things so secretive and special that the moment we put it into words it loses all purpose and heaviness. It’s like, the second we share the secret, it just becomes so plain and ordinary. (Anyone know what I’m talking about?) And that’s how I feel about meeting my kids. I haven’t been able to write anything at all because this is the only thing I’ve been wanting to write about. I’ve filled pages on paper and pages in my head and have multiple posts sitting in my drafts box. Try as I might I just couldn’t put the whole thing into words, and then I decided that I didn’t want to, because the whole experience would just be lost. So I’ll keep it with me. For now at least.
But I met my children. My daughters. And they are amazing. They have smiles that light up the whole room. They have tiny hands that grasp my fingers in a way that makes my heart melt. They have laughs that penetrate my core. They have a presence that I feel the second they’re in the car and when they’re not around my whole being searches for what’s missing.
These children are ours. They talk like us. They act like us. They look like us. They were completely and wholly made for us.
And I am so, so, so grateful.
The countdown is official. Nine days and they’re ours forever. And most likely, I’ll never write about what it’s like to bring them home. But I sure can’t wait for it to happen.