I completely understand the appeal to blogging for moms. I finnnnally get the whole “mommy blogger” scene.
MOMS NEVER HAVE ANY TIME ALONE.
And yeah, okay, I totally understood that from the very beginning. I mean, kids are living things that need you’re attention. And that they take more effort to grow than plants. And you can’t really just leave them all day long like you can a dog.
But man I just had no idea how much non-existent “me” time I get. Sometimes, on my way home from work, I take a quick pit stop at Sonic and stay there long enough to finish my drink. And that 20 seconds (because as soon as I get it, I start missing those tiny people who won’t leave me alone and I guzzle it down) is about all I get. Sometimes. Because two tiny people means all the Sonic slush money goes to buying them things to keep them alive. Like shoes. And underwear. Because someone keeps peeing in all the clean ones…
But the internet sure does make it easier to have space to yourself. A little tiny corner of the world where you get to decorate it and not have anyone tell you he doesn’t like flowers, or have matchbox car wheels drug through the paint before it’s dried. A small little place that doesn’t know that you’re currently wearing clothes that have lived on the floor for the last week because all those dirty, tiny underwears take precedence in the washing machine than your shirt. Even if it does have some sort of smear from one of those petite hands that stay dirty all.day.long even though you haven’t fed it anything in hoursss.
I totally get it.
MOMS. YOU ROCK.
But that’s not why I’m back. I’m not back here stringing words together because I just want a little bit of time to call my own. I’m not sitting at the library once a week while the husband sits at home playing with our children so that I can play around with my very own toy that is kept far, far away from grubby little hands (that apparently stick playdough in the headphone outlet).
I’m here because in January 2015 I said YES to God. I told him I wanted him to MOVE me out of the position I was STUCK in and into the position HE wanted me in. I was finished with making excuses. I was tired of where I was at mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I needed some action verbing in my life.
So I said YES to a new job. I said YES to a new house. I said YES to scheduling, routines, and hard work. I bought an actual erasable wall calendar so that we could schedule all our work times–and I hate those things. The husband and I say YES to financial peace and financial discipline every Thursday night when we sit down to budget our money. I say YES to my kids every time I say no to social media, tv, or other escapisms.
And God has moved. He has moved me into an area of life I had no idea I could be a part of. An area of life in which I thought would never have space for me.
But in this season of saying yes, and doing the hard work, and keeping up with the moving and not getting stuck, I have been prompted to say YES, once again, to this tiny little corner all to myself on the internet.
And I have no idea what it’s going to be
I know what it will not be. I know it will definitely not be a place for me to get stagnant in. It will not be a place where I fall into the trap of comparison. It will not be a place for me to escape to.
This is simply a place I’ve said YES to. For the time being at least.
And I make no promises about what you might fin